of year 2011

Salam…

Oh my…where should I start? It has been a year and a half of abandoning this blog!

Poor bloggy... I promise not to let you down this time... Trust me! Will you? :p

I’m sorry, I’ve been hooked up with so many things... Work, everyday life and actually...

I am SORRY that i forgot to announce that...

...I’M MARRIED!!!... :D

Alhamdulillah, 2011 greeted me with so much of interesting and exciting moments.

I got engaged to my other half.. yes MR.H!!

And then, I have been posted to doha, Qatar, for site visit and of course, I have been attached to my second baby project, Qatar offshore project after Vietnam offshore project for the rest of year 2011!!..

The most challenging project I must say.. phewwwww..

And then I had my first ever experience performing umrah with my family and hoping to be there again insyaAllah…it was the best moment especially when I got to pray in front of the multazam.. I cried a lot, not because I’m not happy but because I felt so small and with so much of my wrongdoings, Allah swt still granted me with the moment that every muslims looking for. Thank you Allah..

And then, on 19th November 2011…the day when me and mr.h got hooked up..

Alhamdulillah..It was AWESOME!!..

I felt blessed with all my family members and my new family members and my dear friends gathered to celebrate our best moment in life..

Thank you!! Thank you!! And thank you!!

And then…till next time.. hehehehhe..i shall update more soon!.. Stay tune!!..

inshaAllah... we'll find the way...

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insha Allah
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Everytime you can make one more mistake
You feel you can’t repent
And that its way too late
Your’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame


Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
Insha Allah
Insya Allah you’ll find your way
Insha Allah
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Turn to Allah
He’s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray
OOO Ya Allah
Guide my steps don’t let me go astray
You’re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way
Insha Allah
Insya Allah we’ll find the way

the way it is...

I can read your mind and I know your story

I see what you're going through

It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry

But I know it will come to you

Don't surrender 'cause you can win

In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out

When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt

Don't give up on your faith

Love comes to those who believe it

And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer

I don't know what to say, no

But it's plain to see, if you stick together

You're gonna find a way, yeah

When life is empty with no tomorrow

And loneliness starts to call

Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow

'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

of raya...

8th september

-11pm depart from KL with cousin to kg.melayu majidee JB

9th september

-3am arrived kg.melayu majidee

-5am sahur time, but i was tooooo tired... sahur dalam mimpi...

-6.45am baru nak terkejar solat subuh

-8am onwards helping maktok for raya dishes... then...anyam ketupat!!! belajar anyam ketupat in 15minutes time, tapi betul2 jadi after 2hours of trying.. hahahah.. uncles and aunties dah bising sebab takut tak sempat nak rebus for raya... huahaha

10th september

-6.30am solat subuh!!..

-7am... get dressed... niat di hati nak pi solat raya, tapi sebab siap lambat sangat, kena tinggal... uwaaaaaaaaa... so yeahh... duduk dapur je laaaaa...

-10am onwards budak2 kecik dah start datang beraya, and tok2 sedara, mak2 sedara from all over JB datang, pot pet pot pet laaaa diorang semua... huhu..

-9pm perut buat hal, tak jadi ikut my mum pi umah toklong, but enjoyed staying at maktok's crib watching ridiculous "jangan pandang belakang congkak" hahah

11th september

-6am solat subuh!!

-7.am got call from kak long's family...yeay! kak long selamat lahirkan baby boy!! the new addition to the family! alhamdulillah..both mum and baby sihat sejahtera..

-10am getting ready to depart batu pahat..visit kak long, and the in-laws..

-1pm arrived batu pahat hospital, met kak long.. ahhhhhhhhh baby so kecik!!!! 2.48kg saja... hehe.. so the comel!

-2pm visiting time ended.. my family terus balik KL while myself have to accompanied paklong's family to kak long's in laws...(lepas tu paklong satu family nak pergi KL to my parent's house)

-5pm depart from batu pahat to KL

-9pm arrived safely at home....

-10pm pot pet pot pet... rumah my parent riuh with discussion on babak ke-2..which is my cousin's solemnisation (kak long's younger brother) on coming monday...

12th september

-6am solat subuh!

-7.30am depart from my parent's house to LCCT... flight to kota bharu at 11am..

-9am arrived LCCt

-9.30am breakfast, check in.. and waitingggg..

-11am boarding..

-12noon arrived kota bharu...rented a car... and straight away drove to tumpat kelantan's chalet..

-3pm... ronda2 pantai sri tujoh, and went to the bride's house... took all the hantaran that they did for the groom's side... tapi ade 3 hantaran tak siap and i have to get it done!!.. wahhh mencabar okay nak lipat2 kain tu jadi cantik.. nak susun all the choclates pun mencabar jugak, sebab takut laa termasuk dalam mulut instead of letak kat atas dulang.. hahah

-10pm started doing the hantaran... heheh hentam saja lah kann..

-2am everythings done! alhamdulillah..

13th september

-6.45am solat subuh!!

-7.30am breakfast and get dressed for the solemnisation at 10am..

-9.30am uncle ali lead the takbir and selawat for the groom before akad..then depart from chalet to masjid pak keral

-9.50am arrived masjid pak keral, waited for about 10mins for the bride to arrive..

-11.15am alhamdulillah my cousin brother officially jadi husband! after 2 kali akad.. hahaha..

-11.30am the groom's side balik chalet semula, and get ready for the reception at 1pm

-12noon, semua dah lapar, uncle ali belanja nasi kerabu! wahhhh.. makan sajaaaa...

-1pm depart from chalet to the bride's house... bersanding,bergambar

-2pm makan lagi!! this time nasi pengantin pulak! hahaha.. memang full la..

-4pm packing... went straight for raya visit at my brother's in-laws... then dinner at k.idah's in law's.. then off to machang, aunty puyah and uncle ali's house...

14th september

-at machang, went to kolam air panas in the morning...

-1.45pm lunchhhh... then pack pack and depart to kota bharu..

-5.45pm check in at new pacific hotel kota bharu..

-8.25pm went out jalan kaki cari kedai beli 3 in 1 nescafe and milo..

-8.45pm dinner in the room.. semua dah malas nak kuar since the traffic is not friendly enough! so we called up for room service jer laaa... then tengok TV... hehe

15th september

-pack pack pack... off to airport... catch up flight and went back to the heart of malaysia... Kuala Lumpurrrr... hehehe

-ohhh tapi before sampai Kuala Lumpur, singgah Shah alam from subang airport for dinner raya at kak idah's crib.. haha

journey ends at about 11pm at nite.. woahhhhhhhhhh penattttttt

16th september

-hari malaysia.... hari relax saya!... heheh and yup... entertaining whoever yang drop by the house untuk beraya.. hehehe..

jemput la datang rumahhhhh :D

newly wed farhan the cousin and shidah (ohhhhh this two is much much younger than me!..but still i look younger than them.. kan? haha)

the cousin's at maktok's crib...

the hantaran...

ohh lupa, ada sesi main bunga api ya!

bersama cik mira...setelah penat di dapur...

akmal and afiq berbunga api..

ketupat satay or ketupat baawang?? cakap jerrr .. i know how to do it!!! (wah berlagak sungguh bunyinyer!)

Publish Post

kak long and the baby yang baru 8 jam melihat dunia.. alaa comey comey babyyyyy!..

the end!

of cousins...

this photo taken on the second day of raya...

conversation that cracked maktok's crib...

cousin sister : eh afiq, cepat la pegi solat asar, lepas asar nak pegi beraya umah tok long ni..

afiq : eh afiq dah jama' laa

cousin sister : bila afiq jama'? tadi kan afiq pegi solat jumaat, kena ikut imam, macam mana afiq solat jama' pulak?

afiq : afiq niat solat tak ikut imam laaah..

cousin sister : hahahhahahahhaha hoiii mana ada niat solat tak ikut imam!!! suka hati jer yeh!

afiq : hehe... (senyum2 kambing dah maluuuu semua orang gelakkan dia.. ) hahha

stress!!!!!

work wasn't that friendly to me lately...

i'm stressed out, i'm torn apart, and i felt tired everyday!!!

whyyyy?????

missing him

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world,

I think of the arrivals gate at KLIA Airport?? (hehe).

General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed,

but I don't see that.

It seems to me that love is everywhere.

Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy,

but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.

When the planes hit the twin towers,

as far as I know

none of the phone calls from the people on board

were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love.

And if you look for it,

I've got a sneaking suspicion that love actually is all around.

~ Love Actually~

lotus bamboo

i skipped lunch and accompanied one of my colleague to central market to get some eye freshener!

hahaha.....naaah we went to the florist near central market hehehe...

my colleague wanted to get something for her house...saya pun get something laa for my room!!! hoyeh!!! (erkk sedih jer bunyi...semua orang ada rumah... i only have a room??)

this is what i got for myself... weeee!!!! but yet to buy the clear glass vase...

so, for the time being,terpaksa lah sacrificed my water bottle, and curi my sis water bottle...huhuhu

the lotus bamboo!

some of the fresh flowers that they have in store... aaaaaaaaahh missing mr.h!!! (tiba-tiba saja)

well, i have reasons why though..this bouquet fresh roses is similar to what mr.h gave me in 2008...hehe

okayy may my lotus bamboo sihat selalu!!! ohh need to buy the fertilizer too...haiyooo

27th birthday surprises

on 24th of december 2009 at;

12:04 am - received first birthday wish from beloved high school friend, cik lisz!!!

12:14 am - received second birthday wish from mr.h!!!

until the end of the day on 24th of december, i received more than 30 birthday wishes via my handphone and facebook... :D thank you so much for the kind thoughts and may you too have a wonderful years ahead...!!!

it started with a simple birthday wish... although i was on my medical leave due to flu and sore throat... i still felt appreciated, refreshing and excited with all the wishes!!!... my doctor said, my lung is infected and i need to get some rest, i'm glad my rest accompanied with all the birthday wishes and i'm recovering the moment i wrote this down... hehe...

13:49pm - was lying on my bed, reading the twilight book ( yerp!!..tak habis baca lagi, takut nanti cepat habis sebab i have to wait a bit longer for the next book...hehe) i received a call from unknown number, asking for my house number, i spontaneously tell her...and suddenly realized, i should have ask her name first!! hahaha blurrrr... she said, she's waiting outside to deliver me something, so i went down to see her... she brought 2 boxes of cupcakes, with a smile on her face... i was a bit blurred, i didnt ordered any cakes as far as i remember... but when she showed me the note.... i was all the way smiling and laughing and of course!!! excited!!! hehehe... thanks so much to kak peanut for delivering the lovely cupcakes from my mr.h... it was so lovely of you being very cooperative with mr.h for the surprise... hehehehe

27th december 2009

6:45am - i received instruction from mr.h, asking me to look for a girl name Loshini. He gave me the number to contact so that i can get a mystery gift... it took me a while to call Loshini, (takut laa if she busy with her things,so, terpaksa laa i wait till about afternoon) i messaged her and finally got to talk to her..she gave me her address... later in the afternoon after my pavilion visits with cik lisz, i went straight to Losh's house,unfortunately she went out when i was on the way to her house, but she passed the gift to her mum...so yeah!! met her mum and i got my mystery gift!!! it's a DKNY watch!!! another surprise for me!!! hehehe...thank u so much mr.h!!!!! this year, my birthday was full of surprises!!!!!

p/s : i am still floating in the air... how to go to work tomorrow?? more MC can?? hahaha

p/s/s : i do not have any intention to show off... it was solely because i'm too excited!!? and amazed, although we're in a long distance relationship, we can still make each other happy and feels the existence... :D

marble cake dan kebaya

haritu, hari raya haji, ibu papa di mekah, no one at home except me and my sisters, maktok (my mum's mum) was very kind to stay for a while with us... so, we celebrated together in my mum's house.

marble cake - balik dari office on thursday nite, i've decided to bake a marble cake!! alhamdulillah it turned out sedap! thanks to my resipi.com kehkehkeh... lain2 dishes, maktok yg masak... ketupat, rendang ayam, sambal goreng and kuah lodeh...(i dont know how to cook....masak simple boleh laa..huhu..tapi masak untuk hari raya haji punya event... tak pandaiiiiii kahkahkah)

baju raya - thanks to tan choong tailor melawati....at last...siap juga baju ku....tempah baju sebelum raya puasa, tapi seminggu sebelum raya haji baru siap... huhuhu... this is my first time wearing kebaya nyonya style in my life... hehehe...

ohhhhhhhhhh it's december!!!! what comes in december!!!!? a year older for me soon!

still there

Love is just a word, until someone you meet gives it a proper meaning...

ich liebe dich!!

1st october 2009

15th november 2008

24th december 2007

the last sticker note...

his last note before he's off to overseas...

26th may 2008

... missing the good old days...

missing mr.h!

and so the long silence...

It has been a while; ramadhan and syawal left with many things for me to learn and to cherish. I am glad and blessed with what I have now...Alhamdulillah...

Occasions by occasions have been through very well, from celebrating raya in johor bharu, meeting up with my other half in KL and sending

him off to KLIA, being the most helpless bridesmaid for my lovely cousin (due to migraine attack yeahh..shame on me)...had the girls lunch out last week with orked! and last but not least, being the organizer for my parent’s kenduri doa selamat… oh ya, they’re going to mekah to perform their hajj this coming Friday insyaAllah…

Raya – was great! Had a family reunion.. 300 family members gathered in m-suites hotel johor bharu.. met so many cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents from all over… me myself being one of the organizing member had fun organizing the door gift (fun lah sangat..penat okay!! Hehehe) and the slide show of the history of my great great grandfather was the most tremendous part for the day!

Meeting up with my other half and sending him off to KLIA the next day – after all that me and him have been through… the misunderstandings, the heart breaking, the miscommunication, finally we both decided to give our self a second chance to build up the relationship…to start it again, to patch everything and to understands each other much better from before... long distance is a tough one I tell u!!! hehehe

Helpless bridesmaid for my lovely cuzzy – why helpless?? The day I arrived my cousin’s house, I felt drowsy and weak, I was supposed to help her rearrange her bedroom, end up I slept most of the day while the other cousin’s helping out bits here and there…huhuhu..sorry kak long.. but on her solemnization day, I managed to be or act like normal although I felt my head is falling off the ground! Hahaha… anyway, everything went well and glad she’s now someone’s wife!! (tak boleh nk tido dengan kak long and dengar bedtime story lagik!! Arghhhh that part memang tak best) haha

Lunch date with the girls and orked- ohhh it was fun! We had Japanese cuisine in pavilion.. the 7 of us…hkas and ex-hkas girls gathered in ichiban pavilion… listening to orked’s experience made me missing my good old days in the UK once upon a time… she’s flying off again this Thursday to continue her studies… gonna miss her so much!!

Organizing my parent’s kenduri – ohhhhhh exhausting but felt so relief when everything went very good, I didn’t expect for 100 invitations to fill the house that nite, but it turns out…more than 100 came!! Alhamdulillah,the food was lovely, million thanks to my sis in-law,aunties, uncles and cousins for helping me out… been running here and there and been hearing my name everywhere asking this and that... hahaha..i can’t even get myself to sit down for a second punnn…haihhhh but it was great…thanks to all who came dan semoga my parent selamat pergi dan selamat pulang… aminn!

i had a great time for my last few weeks but we never know what in store for us in the next few weeks, hope for the best and may all of us have a great one!!! one thing for sure, i have started missing my parents!!! and of course, i miss my other half too!!

psychotic...

my dad came back from terawih...

(note:lokasi perbualan nih kat dapur, pintu dapur terbukak angin luar bertiup sepoi2 bahasa...bunyi2 cengkerik jadi background dan situation sangat lah drama TV1)

papa : dikla, I've paid your zakat fitrah.. (sambil mengeluarkan resit zakat fitrah 5 keping..)

me : ohhh thank you pa..love you pa... i thought i have to pay by myself...

papa : it's okay...you're my daughter,and you're not married...you are still my responsibility...

me : thanks pa...sorry for all the burden that i have made... doakan laa dikla cepat kawin, you'll no longer have to look after me lepas tu kann.. hhehe

papa : papa selalu doa the best for all my children...and i wish you girls will get through all the obstacles that you girls facing everyday...

me : insyaAllah pa....thanks for the doa...

papa : papa dah tua, umur tiap2 tahun bertambah, sakit situ..sakit sini... looking at you and your sisters jer yg boleh buat papa stay strong to support you girls..

me : dont worry pa...dikla kan dah keje, dont worry too much about me..my sisters pun boleh look after themself, the youngest jer laa kena extra attention.. but insyaAllah we'll get through..

papa : you are turning 27 dikla...how can i not worried? kalau umur papa tak panjang macam mana?

me : tapi macam mana pulak kalau umur dikla yang tak panjang...tetiba dikla yg pergi dulu?

papa : hoiii... orang nak psycho dia....dia pulakk nak psycho kita balik...dahhhhh... its almost 12, esok tak keje ke?

me : hahahahahahahha...tulaa..sape suruh psycho2... hahahhaha

moral of the story...jangan main psycho2..tak baik...hehehe

happy + loser = saturday fever

i had a kenduri cukur jambul at kak idah's place (shah alam) in the morning...yup! its for the newborn baby izwan!!... i contributed 100pieces of cupcakes made by abg cepoi and his business partner from almond delight (mr.h uia mates)....

abg.cepoi and his business partner drove all the way from seremban to deliver the cupcakes and its free of charge on delivery!!!! hoyeh!!thank u! hahaa..they arrived around 10.15am...the makan-makan time starts at 11.00am...i have 45minutes to arrive shah alam...so, i decided to use the duta ulu kelang elevated highway (DUKE) to make sure i arrived in time... alhamdulillah....at 11am..sampai shah alam and terus letak the cupcakes atas meja....and suddenly all the pakcik datang and grab 1 each...

they said "wahhh cantik nyaa sape buat? dikla buat ker? wahhhhhhh..ada botol susu...wahhh ade bear...wahh ada stroller...wahhh ada pin lampin!!" hahaha and all the "wahhhh" laa..

i said... "ohh yeahh dikla buat dari internet..dapat tau dari kawan...click2 and browse2...nampak phone number, sms2 and tadaaaaaa..siap.."

and then, suddenly the kidsss pulak datang serbu!!! wahhh laku okay!! and i am so proud of it.. my name sangat popular..hahahaa...dengar orang cakap "ohh tu dikla yg bawak, dia order dari kawan dia punyer kawan"...heheheee....ada pulak tanya.."kawan mane nih? laki ke perempuan? kawan sape punyer kawan?" aduhh banyak pulak soalan...

the cupcakes a few seconds after letak atas table, i have to stop the kids first to snap a photo, kalau takkk..takde laa gambar! hehehehe itu pun ada tangan lagi mau capai..haiiiiihhh

kak idah loves cupcake...she said "diklaaa sedap laaa cake nih!! dah nak abis dahhh.." sambil buat muka macam tuu...haihh she suka buat muka yang kelakarrr..hahaha

adila ketua cupcakes....org lain tak bleh amik cupcakes yang ada bear...hahahha

my lovely izwan...tapi saya panggil dia ichzwan..hehehehe

anyway besides that...one of the dishes for the day was kambing golek!! dan sy makan tak hingat donia!! lepas makan dengan jayanyaa, after a few hours, kena migrain..sakit kepala...hahahah....my parents arrived in the afternoon, then they went to another kenduri, saya kena tinggal kat rumah kak idah, niat di hati nak tolong kemas rumah after the kenduri...tapi sakit kepala...i slept until 6pm!!! then, i woke up and terpaksa laa get ready nak balik KL sebab taknak sampai KL malam..takut because i have to drive alone...hehehe...

here goes the loser part...on the way balik, i was thinking of using DUKE, cepat sikit sampai kan? but as usual...nak cepat, kena bayar laa toll ...total toll for my journey back home rm6.60 tapi baru teringat, dalam purse ada rm2 sahaja!!!! tak cukup duit..dalam CIMB ada rm10 saja...dah tak boleh nak withdraw...OTK!! (oh tuhan ku) and i was alone!!! mana nak cari duit? I'm not very familiar with shah alam area, saya pusing satu shah alam cari jalan to federal highway because federal highway only cost me rm1.10 saja untuk sampai KL...hehehehe...

yup...crazy me..alhamdulillah jumpa jalan..nasib baik there's no toll while looking for the sign to federal.....hehehe...

sampai rumah around 7.30pm, saya cerita to my dad and he said "crazy la u dikla..." sambil tu, my dad hulur rm20 to me...OTK (oh tuhan ku)lagi.. i felt LOSER!! hahahah...and reason my dad hulur rm20...because he knows my gaji masuk this monday...rm20 is for 2 days to survive until the next gaji,which i hope masuk laa duit this monday! hahahahaha lepas hulur tuu he said "ganti balik tauu" huhuhu... my dad kedekut? i dont think so...to me, its one of his way to teach his children to appreciate money....there's no easy money in this world...u want it..u have to work for it...u pinjam, u have to pay back... there's no such thing of sedekah because sedekah duit hanya untuk fakir miskin yang tak mampu...i told my dad.."laa ingatkan sedekah, tak payah bayar balik..." then, he said "dikla, u're not tergolong dalam fakir miskin, so u don't deserve duit sedekah" aduhhhhhhh..ahahhahaa

slept around 12 midnite and boleh pulak mimpi pi atm machine nak withdraw duit..and suddenly kat screen atm tuu tulis "insufficient fund" aduhhhhhhhh nightmare...

moral of the story...next time, don't shop till you drop if you don't want to feel LOSER...

birthday and perfume

starter...yup...starts with cake, then continue with chicken mushroom and black pepper grilled chicken..(lupa plak nak amik gambar)..ouhh....scrumptious okay! hehehe

happy birthday to my dearest officemate / office buddy / gossips buddy during office hours! suhana!! hehehee

many happy returns to you and hope you had a great time!!...sekarang kita sama umur!! hehehehe

we went for birthday lunch at secret recipe...hehehe...mane lagi kan? tu yg best setakat nih to have lunch and bestest cake...

lepas tuu...saya singgah at one of perfume shop kat ampang point......biasa laa tangan gatal kan..? saya spray one of the perfume for men kat my hand..... then saya bagitau suhana "aaaaaa bau mr.h!!!...rinduuuu"

hahahah yup..pathetic...i know..

us against the world

i have been introduced to this song by mr.f

and i dedicate this song to mr.h

If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more
I would still have you, baby
If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war
I'll be fighting with you, baby
Cuz I know if I'm falling, you won't let me hit the ground
If the boat is sinking, I know you won't let me drown...

(by christina milian)

the abaya

last weekend, after the EL and the MC, i manage to get my self out in town with uder.. we dressed up in abaya and walk about in the pavilion acting like an arabic tourist..we speaks in english and put our sunglasses on. it was fun!!

i can see there were eyes looking at us from behind of my sunglasses hahahaha...

this will be our first acting / outing as a tourist since we can't really get ourself far away from kuala lumpur and shah alam...

next time if you see 2 girls in abaya walking around...it might be me and uder acting for our destress session... hahahahahahaha

the song

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Leona Lewis - run

*****************************************

he text me, asking if i have listen to this song...

and this song have been my favorite song since then...

syndrome

I’ve been having this for quite a while…

I am tired of this…I had enough…

I’m trying to get over it…trying hard.. really hard… leave me alone!!...

Oh you foolish syndrome! Go away will you??!!!

Please…don’t ever come to me…I don’t want it to be part of my monthly disease…I extremely dislike you..(I’m being nice here)

Sometimes, I can be very angry when I’m having you…sometimes, I can be very sensitive and it leads to the depressing feelings and crying all nites?!...

You always bring me nuts!!…
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Premenstrual Syndrome… why do you keep attacking me every month??!!

Can’t you just be nice to me?

Make me happy every month instead?! I don’t mind spending my money to kill the terrible side of you…